i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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