Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
