oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
