Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
