Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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