Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
two words...techno handjob
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize