someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
