if you like me you must not know who I am
I wish my penis had an off switch
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
