did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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