Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
