Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Randomize