I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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