good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
