how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
