So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
