Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
