I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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