6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
