I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
