I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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