He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
