On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
