I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
