Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i permit you to call me
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
