How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
