I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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