Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
