like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
