What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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