Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
