Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
