i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
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