using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
