was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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