Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
