Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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