So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
birth control should be required to get into college
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
