Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
