The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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