my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I need to wash the frat house off of me
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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