So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I did not marry a roomba.
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