My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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