$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
