Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
