Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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