i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
