I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
