This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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