If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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