i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
