You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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