Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
