He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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