My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
