everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
