this just has baby written all over it
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
