So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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