Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
