now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
