Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
