Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
