420 ftw
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
